so in the past few days, i've hesitated in writing anything down.
uncertainty and a sense of politeness have prohibited my choosing a direction for expression.
so in order to avoid a long stretch of being stifled in so many ways,
here's what's been under the surface-
so, I neglected to return to my hometown for Christmas. I disappointed my family who took my showing up there to be a foregone conclusion. Everyone assumed that my babies would spend their first Chrismas in East Texas. Everyone except their father and I.
After enduring two extremely trying visits to Palestine, we knew that celebrating Christmas at home in Austin would be the best thing for our family.
To be honest, we were both pretty shocked and offended at the way were treated at my mom's house. You would think a close family would rally around to help out a pair of tired worn out parents, and maybe try to make life a bit easier. Not so in our case. Historical petty fighting, social drama and boozing won out over compassion. Not to mention my own mother feeding my babies POISON behind my back.
Of course, she has not awakened to the fact that so-called Brand/Product Loyalty is a form of slavery, that keeps her and millions like her suffering from needless health problems. But her lack of awareness is her own choice- she is admittedly 'happier' turning a deaf ear to the truth, all the while gobbling up waste and proliferating trash. Mindless consumption disease is eating her alive.
i've tolerated this ignorance by choice for many years, but now that i am a mother myself, i realize that i can tolerate it no longer, for the wellbeing of my precious ones. and what she, my mother, doesn't realize is that not only do i not want her to feed my kids velveeta and big red, but i don't want them to be around role models who use that garbage. She thinks i am crazy and paranoid.
So thats been a major source of tension for sometime now.
Well, the parents made the trip to visit us yesterday.
i was happy to see them, especially on my own turf. at least the girls were able to stay safely in their little carefully cultivated child freindly environment. mom's house isn't even baby proofed---she says that the lit candles in heavy pewter holders sitting on doilies on low tables within reach of the little ones are like "a game" for my girls. while i know she would never intentionally hurt my girls, sometimes, she so completely lacks the intent to NOT hurt them, i am left baffled and speechless.
My speechlessness is what i am most ashamed of. the fact that this is all coming out, after the fact, in a blog, is shameful. but i have to get it out somehow, and this is the medium i am most comfortable in today.
So along with the parents came many "gifts". And as much as it truly pained me to make her aware, many of the items she brought for the babies were, well, toxic. Dolls from the national recall list, vinly bath toys painted with lead paint. in her defense, not all the toys were purchased by her, some were from my equally oblivious sister.
in the moment, i accepted the gifts. later i told her which ones were poisonous and why. she agreed to take them back, but it was clear i had hurt her feelings and annoyed her. i tried to give her evidence and facts, but she just cut me off during my explanations, as usual. she doesnt want to know.
she asked if toys were dangerous in the "good old days" i said YES. and by the way, the "good old days' are a figment of your imagination. she left quickly, not wanting to hear anymore of my 'ranting'.
I see no end to this contention. and it really bums me out.
but the way i see it, is she can either wake up, or leave us alone. because i'm not going to continue to expose my children to toxicity, objects or people, just because we are related to one another.
i want to know what you think-if you care to share it.
of course there is much much more to this issue, as it involves years of family drama.
but i believe that my situation is not unique, so if you have wisdom from your own experience to share, please do.
here's a simpler question:
how would you deal with receiving gifts for your kiddos that are on the National Recall List?
off to work.
more later.
3 comments:
Oh the beauty of blogs. . .you can make strangers into believers of a fabricated truth.
To clear some things up- we chose to draw names for Christmas to exchange on Christmas Day. By drawing a name (which Mr. Dovey did for the both of you) is agreeing to be at the parents' house for Christmas. When you showed up didn't matter, only that you did. Because you didn't come, 2 people didn't receive gifts.
That's rude on your part. If you didn't plan on coming you should have said so INSTEAD of calling the hour you were supposed to arrive-RUDE RUDE RUDE.
Also, your most recent trip home was for a funeral that, granted, was welcomed by you and others, but was still tragic, sad and very personal to some (i.e., your aunt and your mother) Though mom was overwhelmed with responsibility of making all arrangements and consoling Rosie, you show up at home making all your normal demands (specific milk for your babes, etc.) Mom was tired, stressed and mourning and still tried to help you and Mr. Dovey with crying babies early in the a.m. and her help was DENIED. That was rude because, as you stated- you obviously needed it. I believe you came down with dishonest intentions and took advantage of the situation. You went on a shopping spree and bought 2 new pairs of shoes, a skirt, pants, a tunic and a shirt, when you were supposed to only get something appropriate for the funeral. This was VERY RUDE. You justified it by saying it was for your new job (which you didn't get- see your earlier post).
Furthermore, mashed potatoes do NOT qualify as POISON. That was out of line and ridiculous to make such a horrendous claim about your own mother. I understand wanting the best for your children, and mom only wants to help. But why do you draw the line with her? I watched you WATCH your father feed that same baby JELLY by the spoonful while you said NOTHING. Why are you making her your only victim in your wake of healthier-than-thou rampage?
As far as the death gifts go, you should have provided her with a Dovey-friendly list for baby gifts. You know she was going to get them something; you need to start helping her help you or it's all going to end in her tears.
By revealing your "angst" in a blog you just asked your family to read so as to stay up to date on your life is by far the RUDEST thing you've done in a while. Of course she will read this and then you'll have the confrontation. . .
Mom is not perfect, but NEITHER ARE YOU. You are BOTH great mothers (and so is your oblivious sister for that matter) and you all have different concerns and techniques. But no matter how RUDE and unkind you are to your mom, she will still love you anyway. But this post seems to say that if she can't remember to buy Almond Milk or organic produce for your babies you are going to cut all contact off with her. That is also RUDE.
You've got stop this NUTRITION ELITIST b.s, and stop preaching and teaching to people that don't want to hear it- That's just RUDE.
You seem to have forgotten the most important things that our mother pressed upon us- Education, Gumption, and above all- MANNERS, which sadly seems to be the only thing you lack these days.
I've never been so ashamed you or so very disappointed in you. This was hurtful to me and, I'm sure, the rest of OUR family. Your feelings are legitmate, Sissy, but bringing them out like this is so wrong. When the dust settles, I believe you'll own some dear ones a round of apologies- but we shouldn't have to read them in a blog.
gifts are material objects that in no way serve in the place of real compassion and affection.
the jilted parties in question have received their gifts. Baller-ass presents, mind you, that anyone would be glad to get---even if they were a few days late. but good work focusing on the important stuff.
how dare you attempt to cast me as an uncaring and unaffected during a time of true mourning.
this comment and ultimately this situation deserve exactly no more of my energy.
it is hilarious though, that you make the argument that i packed my sick babies and stressed out boyfriend up at the last minute to drive four hours away from Austin, NOT to grieve a family member but to go shopping at Beall's and JCPenney. absolutely rich.
forgive me for losing myself in the two hours i've had to myself all year. god help me, i bought some shit. some people do that for sport. for me, tho, let's count it as a capital offense.
and typical of you to keep tabs on items.
i am so sick of this.
you are the meanest, most self centered, pathetic people i know.
no one should have to endure this kind of pettiness.
grow up or dont---i am beyond caring at this point.
no matter what i say or have said you just keep enabling each other's worst qualities and coercing people who know better to "accept" them.
one day you wont be pretty anymore.
maybe by then you'll be nice.
Well since this IS left open for comments, I thought it would be alright if I made a statement. Even though I know I am NOT a member of the family...I have looked up to all of you..including your mother and the relationship that each of you have with her. And I cannot put into words how reading this makes me feel....I know myself as a mother of two little ones that help from loved ones is necessary and appreciated very much. But to be so angry about these things seems ridiculous.
I know Tea that your mother loves you and those babies more than anything, and the fact you would incinuate that she is incompetent is crazy. She has helped you more than any mother I know of....and to not be grateful for what she HAS done is beyond me.
I know I do not know the entire story....and I do not want you to think I am picking on you....but if you guys do not come to some kind of common ground....you will lose a relationship with your mother....and that is priceless.
Not everyone is as knowledgable as you are....and you have to give others credit for that.
If this is the way you are going to treat your family for the WELLBEING of your children....you guys need to come with a warning label.
All my love and I hope you two work this out. It is not worth losing...trust me. xoxo, Denae
Post a Comment